Dreams and Desperation

Last night I had another baby dream.

My baby dreams are always the same idea in a different way, it's never my baby. The baby will be in some kind of peril, separated from it's mother and I, and often Himself, will need to care for it until the mother returns. Last nights baby was my cousins youngest child, Chloe, although the perfect baby with golden brown curls looked nothing like my cousin. She was about a year old, that soft smushy age, when they are just on the verge of being toddlers. I loved her, but knew she wasn't mine, they are never mine.

Yesterday I spent a long time reading about a whole food dietary supplement called Maca. Most of what I read was from the forum at TCOYF's site. I tended to believe the testimony of real people over anything else I found just through Google. One of the benefits is supposedly an increased libido. Since I started back on Lexapro last week I have noticed a bit of an issue in the bedroom. I've only had one try at it this week though, so it could be a fluke. Even a placebo effect might help me over a mental block about it.

It comes in a powder and pill form, the powder being the preffered choice. I tried some as soon as I got home, having droppped $28 for it, ah, there's the desperation. Mixed in milk with some chocolate syrup it wasn't bad at all. Another way I had read about taking it was in OJ. Ugg, never again.

I also read about stopping an antidepressant for the weekend to give your body a break. I'm trying that this weekend also. We shall see. I'm on CD 15 and last month O'ed on CD 19. Fingers crossed.