A Long Overdue Update

I haven't had much to say I guess. After two successful Clomid cycles I am not pregnant. I had nice strong ovulation and well timed intercourse. (wow that makes it sound fun!) I got no bun in the ol' oven. We're taking a few cycles off at this point. Hubby has some extra stress going on and my lining was getting thin. The plan is to start again in January. I feel fine about it, it's the best choice for us right now, but I still feel hollow and empty. The depression is not solely related to this, but it hasn't helped. January will mark two years of trying and not trying and hoping and willing. I've lost a lot in the last few years, faith and hope not the least of them. I no longer believe in a "master plan". I'm thankful I am even closer to Himself, he is a good man, especially in times of trouble. Still, the empty feelings eat away at me. I was never the kind of person who wanted a child to make myself whole, but I can't deny that part of me, part of my family, feels like it's missing.

Being pregnant, carrying to term, and bringing home a baby is a dream that feels distant and unobtainable.